Small talk is the lubricant of society.

Rebecca West - 1892 - 1983.

I have a client who runs a highly successful business specialising in home comfort and power systems.

He has built a solid business in gas, electrical, and air conditioning installations, quietly, skillfully, and behind the scenes. But with his growth, he is now the President of an industry body, and while he’s a master with tools, marketing and entrepreneurialism, casual conversation doesn’t come naturally.

Where across the course of your day today, could you give your small talk game a rating out of 10, where 7 is not an option?

I gave him some suggestions in our mentoring session today, but I thought that, as big as my ideas were for his small talk, others might struggle with the discomfort of networking.

I absolutely love meeting new people, and having been networking for so long, I've developed a knack for anticipating the potential pitfalls.

Just this week, I had asked my conversational partner at a networking function a question and was interrupted before they had a chance to answer by a lady yelling and hugging the person I was talking to.

I said as I stepped in between the couple's post-hug, “Hey, and referred to her after looking at her name tag. I just asked Karen (not her real name) a question that I think she’s going to enjoy answering, and so do you mind if you afford us the luxury of her reply, please?”

My tone was soft and apologetic, which makes a big difference as well.

Where across the course of your day today, could you consider where it might be that you prepare a response to an interruption that leaves you empowered but not cut out of a conversation?

My skills at avoiding interruptions were developed over 25 years in the advertising industry, where functions and interruptions occurred weekly. The cutthroat nature of the game would often see people interrupt a conversation I was having, but interrupt with a question about something like the English Premier League, which I would have had no interest in or commentary on at the time. Ostracising me from the conversation, which back then, would have me reacting with much less class.

Where across the course of your day today, could you consider how it is you might join a conversation or introduce yourself at a party, wedding, or corporate event?

Here are 8 Tools for the Social Toolbox for Small Talk & Meeting New People

1. Start With the Environment

“How long have you been coming here?” “What brought you to this event?”
These questions keep it neutral, low-pressure, and rooted in the shared moment. A variation on the “do you come here often?” pick-up line.

2. Have a Go-To Icebreaker

Create a simple opener you can use anywhere. For example:
“What’s been keeping you driven lately?”
It’s open-ended, allowing people to choose between personal or professional options.

3. Listen for Hooks

People drop breadcrumbs: hobbies, kids, holidays. Pick up one and follow it.
Them: “It’s been hectic with the kids.”
You: “What age are they? Mine’s just started high school.”

4. Don’t Aim to Impress; Aim to Be Interested

Small talk isn’t a TED talk. You don’t need a story, just be curious.
“Tell me more about that.” goes a long way. Phrase your question with “I’m curious…?”

5. Talk in Thirds: Ask, Listen, Reflect

A simple pattern: Ask a question. Listen. Reflect or share a bit of your own.
This helps maintain a balanced energy and prevents an awkward, interrogation-style dynamic.

6. Have 3 Safe Topics Ready

Like a tradesman has tools, you need backup topics:

“I read a stat the other day about…”

“Do you follow any footy team?”

“Bride or Groom?”

Asking “Do you reckon the rain’s ever going to stop?” is safety talk, rather than small talk. As Oscar Wilde said, “Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

7. Smile with Your Eyes, Not Just Your Mouth

Body language speaks first. Open shoulders, relaxed posture, and eye contact can do more than clever words.

8. Give Yourself a Time Limit

If social fatigue kicks in fast, say: “I’ve only got 5 minutes, but I wanted to come say hi.”
This lets you show up fully, without getting drained. Networking events are designed for meeting lots of people. Your network is your net worth.

🕒

Small talk might not be small at all and could be the doorway to something meaningful.

Sometimes the man who’s nervous about meeting people turns out to be the most memorable one in the room, simply because he listened when others didn’t.

In order to be interesting, you must be interested.

I was once told a story about a woman who dined with two very different men on consecutive nights.

The first night, she sat across from one of the most brilliant minds of his generation. A scholar, well-travelled, articulate, a man who spoke with confidence, authority, and ease.
When she returned home that night, she told her flatmate:

“He is the most intelligent man I’ve ever met.”

The next evening, she had dinner with a second man. He asked her thoughtful questions. He listened. He paused when she spoke, genuinely interested. He didn’t dominate the conversation; he deepened it.

That night, she returned home and said to her flatmate:

“I feel like the most intelligent woman in the world.”

If all else fails: don’t forget my LISTEN mnemonic.

L – Look
Make eye contact and read body language; over 90% of communication is nonverbal.

I – Imaginative & Intuitive Questions
Ask open-ended, curious questions that invite people to share more.

S – Seek First to Understand
Don’t listen to reply, listen to make others feel seen and heard.

T – Tame Your Tongue
Pause before speaking. Let silence create space for deeper connection.

E – Empathise
Put yourself in their shoes. Respond with humanity, not hurry.

N – Never Say No or But
Use “Yes, and…” to validate and build on others’ perspectives.

While you’re thinking about that, think about this and have a Gr8 day!

Be well.

DL

"I keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who."

Rudyard Kipling - 1865–1936